So I did not run today, I was scheduled to cross train or rest, and I opted for the latter. Partially due to laziness, which I can freely acknowledge I suffer from periodically, and partially because I hurt from yesterday still and didn't want to over do it before tomorrow.
Yesterday, we were slated to run 3 miles, after two days of running 2.5 and 2 miles respectively (I'll comment more on those runs later). I didn't feel like it was going to be a particularly marvelous run, but I tried to put my best face on and do it to it.
I had to adapt my 3 mile route due to the fabulous barking German Shepard that chased me down previously so I cut off the end of the road were said pooch resides, and make up for it by running all the way back to my house, instead of stopping at the corner like I did previously. Moral of the story: my 3 mile is now 3.1 miles.
I really wasn't feeling awesome during the run by any stretch of the imagination, but by the time I had gotten to 1.5 or so I decided I was going fast enough that I might try having a goal of some sort. My fastest time up to this point was about 2 miles in 22 minutes (give or take, I'm working with a cell clock here) about a week and a half ago and I was pretty beat by the end of that. So, I decided now would be as good of a time as any to aim for 11 minute miles on a longer run. Despite my "kicking it up" a notch, I got to the 2 mile point by about 23 minutes and really pushed the last mile. I made it to the 3 mile point (ish) in about 32 minutes and home before my clock switched to the 34th minute. I counted the seconds before the clock switched, but I'm not confident in my counting ability with how winded I was, but my best guess is about 33:30 to go 3.1 miles. I was very very happy with that time.
I came in right after my parents got back from a walk and started snacking on some strawberries my mom was cutting. I shared with her my successful time, and her response was rather . . . lack luster. She was surprised I took so long (she was under the impression I told her I'd be home in 25 minutes) and thought I was running 2.5. Even after I corrected her, her enthusiasm was not as pointed as I was wanting it to be.
I texted Kels, like I normally do, after a run to compare times and how it felt and everything, and she gave me a hearty "Good job!" but my ego was still seeking a bit more attention. I texted my boyfriend the good news, but he was at work so unable to respond in a way that validated my pride.
By this point, I had pretty much given up on people being as excited as I was. I really can't blame them, right? Not everyone is going to understand my accomplishments the way I wish they could simply because they are not in my shoes (har har). And I really tried to brush it off.
It kept nagging at me though - leading me down a path of self pity and over-thinking: "Maybe I'm making too big of a deal out of this. I'm just running, and not even that fast. Middle schoolers can run faster than me right now. I took what, maybe 2 minutes off my last time? That's not THAT impressive, maybe everyone's right and I'm thinking too highly of myself."
Clearly, I am ever the bright sunny optimist.
In the interest of full disclosure: I'm also currently struggling with finding a job for the summer and have about reached the threshold where it makes sense for me to continue looking. A lot of other things are on my mind, most linked to employment, and to a certain degree, I just wanted to feel good about myself and like I was doing something.
As I was thinking today though, because I over-process everything, and I realized that it really didn't matter. None of it did. I had a great run yesterday. I felt good about myself. People who cared about me were happy for me. My expectations for confetti cannons and noise makers every time I reach a goal are unrealistic. (I even hear that people have their own lives to worry about?!)
Goals are important. They're about the only part of running I actually like.
Feeling good about myself is important. This is actually becoming a central focus of my training.
Improving bit by bit and progressing in my fitness is important. Kinda the whole purpose really.
Sharing my successes with people I care about is important. Even when I don't get the validation I'm looking for.
Everything else is just pride and ego getting in the way of getting through this adventure with as much joy as possible.
And WHAMO, those my friends, are what I do believe you call life lessons.
Stupid running . . . making me learn things about myself and life in general . . . how obnoxious . . .
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5 miles tomorrow . . . heavens to Betsy . . .
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